Dear Maria: Dating and BULLSHIT
QUESTION:
Dear Maria,
Ok, so look – I have a girlfriend of mine who is knee deep in relationship bullshit (no pun intended!) and well, I just don’t know what to tell her anymore. She got herself into some bullshit. Like, knee deep in some bullshit; literally. So, she started seeing this guy that lives two hours away from her. Mind you, he has no job, no car, and he lives with his parents. No shade, but she’s ALWAYS catering to him: picking him up, dropping him off, doing his laundry...chile, it’s a lot!
So, here’s the thing – she recently went to pick him up for a date that went suuuuper sour. She said that they got into an argument about parenting and this fool got mad that they had a disagreement and basically said she doesn’t deserve to be a mother, while screaming in her face, in HER car, while she’s driving HIM HOME. Mid-argument he tells her to pull over because he had to use the bathroom. Now, we all know that with this COVID thing going around that not too many places are open so, unfortunately, he had to hold it. WELP! The argument continues and she still didn’t kick this man out the car.
They finally pull up; argument STILL poppin’ and this man shits himself...in the car (LOL)! All over my good sis’ car. Mind you, she has fabric seats. No wait – MIND YOUUU, he’s lactose intolerant, but had a whole bowl of ice cream before linking with her. Smh! So, the catch is that after all of that she’s still talking to him, but doesn’t have the heart to cut him off. Like, I know we’re all works in progress, but damn! Are you shittin’ me?!? They’ve only been dealing each other for 9 months! She feels bad for him, but can’t keep it all the way real.
Maria, please help!! What’s the best thing to tell her?
Thanks in advance.
Bronze Bronze (Labronze James)
Xoxoxoxo
ANSWER:
Ayooooooo!!!
Hands down, this is the first submission to truly have me laughing out loud! Please – I beg that you respond back to this and tell me who you are because I absolutely love the animation in your story telling. Also, the Labronze James sent me!
Now, on a serious note – after getting all the humor out, I think you may be judging your friend’s relationship harshly. I’m a firm believer that any exclusive relationship beyond 6 months has value. I consider that a true investment of time and effort. We cannot put a time frame on a genuine connection.
It is very common in relationships for people to assume roles of dependency. At this point he depends on her (assuming this is a cis-woman) for rides, laundry, etc. and she is more than willing to do it. That’s her business! I know many of our mothers and grandmothers who are still doing the same. It’s not the most popular opinion, but there’s nothing wrong with choosing to be at service to your man. Acts of service is one of the 5 love languages. If she’s not complaining about it then I wouldn’t judge. If she is complaining to you about it, then that’s where you as a friend can encourage her to assert herself and set boundaries on how accessible she’s going to be for this man, especially within the first year when boundary setting is crucial.
Lastly, they had a very heated argument which is common, especially when discussing people’s views on parenting. That can be a very emotionally driven topic. As long as they have come to reconciliation and he has genuinely apologized for any hurtful things he may have said, I don’t see an issue with her forgiving him.
Now, as far as shitting in my car?! HELL NO! Ole’ boy would definitely be paying the detailing bill. I hope she billed his ass, but in all honesty I view that as my good sis’ KARMA. He was acting an ass earlier that night and got just what he deserved...embarrassed! Believe it or not, I find moments like that make people’s bonds even stronger. Best of luck to her and to you! I know you’re trying to be a present and supportive friend and the best way to do that is to let people be people. We will all fall and scrape our knees sometimes, but having a friend who’s always there to help you up is priceless.
- Maria
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