Dear Maria: So, There's This Girl Named Maria...
QUESTION:
Dear Maria,
I’m a single guy living in Philly that’s in love with a girl named Maria that lives in NY. She’s a very popular girl, and only dates ballers.
How can I get her attention?
J Ro
ANSWER:
Hi there!!!!
I’m actually surprised because if I didn’t know any better I would assume this was someone shooting their shot at me. If so, a DM truly would have sufficed but this is also a very unique approach and I commend the courage!
However, since it’s best not to assume, I need to know more about you and this Maria girl you speak of because she sounds fabulous! (JK JK JK)
My first call out would be the obvious discussion of long distance. While Philadelphia and New York City are neighboring metro cities, that 2hr Chinese bus can be a tedious commute back and forth for some QT. The Amtrak is quite expensive on anyone working a COVID-19 salary, aka unemployment. So, unless either of you are drivers and willing to commit to that, I would say the distance is really something to consider.
Next, you describe her as a popular girl and I wonder why that was a pertinent detail? Does her being popular somehow hinder your choice to approach her and express interest? Is her being popular a turn off or a turn on? I only ask this because I too have personally dated men in the past who had insecurities about dating someone who is very social. If you are in fact viewing her popularity as a deterrent then I don’t know that she is a fit for you, nor that you would want her attention because to want someone is to want them as the person they are and to accept them holistically. You said in your statement that you are in love with her and to be there she has to have some great qualities besides being popular. I wonder what else this Maria girl has to offer to make you so interested, once you figure that out I would focus on those key things and maybe use them as your approach. Show her that you truly know who she is and care about everything that she comes with even if it’s not your norm.
Lastly, you stated she only dates Ballers!!! Haha! Sounds like my kind of girl no shade. I would question whether this is fact or maybe just perception. Define “Baller” is this someone who works a great job and has some disposable income or is this a person of true financial wealth. Do you know her dating history? If so, was money a major factor in her past relationships and how important is money to you? I believe in the adult dating world, finances are something to be taken serious. It’s hard to date anyone who is not financially stable. I believe people should come as their best selves when courting someone and lots of times we are not our best selves when struggling with finances. I wonder if this Maria is successful and independent because if so, I can see why she would expect the same from any potential partner.
These are all things to sit with before deciding if she’s someone you truly feel you should approach romantically. If all signs point you to yes, then my advice is to just put yourself out there, be bold, let her know you are interested in her and would like to court her. I would try to not do it anonymously either. Stand firm with conviction! Email, DM, Text (if you got the digits) or even better ... ask her face to face!
Good Luck! I hope you get the girl ;)
- Maria
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