Dear Maria: Nada in New Jersey
QUESTION:
Dear Maria,
Hi!!!
Let me start off be saying you give great advice! This question is for all the NJ Black Boys so I need your advice on dating! I am 27…about to be 28 and it’s so hard for me to find a man or even talk to a guy because the area I live in, I think, is very white, despite it being diverse. I like white boys, but I think most of the guys on here go for white or Latin guys unless they want to try the BBC.
Also, I am out and proud and these guys over in my neck of the woods, I think, are DL and the few that are out aren’t my type! I always have to revert to online dating (which we all know can be sucky and the DL guys are just as annoying) or go to the NYC (The Village) just to be around potential Gay anythings. Lol! Don’t get me wrong - I love the city and love going to MOBI or Gay events , but babyyyy, It’s annoying having to go to another state just be around open Gay, cute guys and plus toll and transportation.
So do you think it is what it is and I have to keep going to the city, or is there some underground gay area in North NJ that I don’t know of? LOL! Or maybe it’s just me?!
- Byron Locke
ANSWER:
Well, hello there Byron.
Bold move by not staying anonymous, but kudos to you as I can attest that believe you me, you don’t stand alone. However, with how crazy miss “La’Corona Da’Virus” has been acting lately, I don’t know that we ‘gone be too worried about meeting men right now!
There’s a lot here to pick apart, but the first thing that’s standing out to me is there being no reference of friends. I’ve never lived in NJ, but I am quite familiar and personally have had some amazing LGBT fun while in the Garden State. While I agree with you that there’s a shortage of Queer POC spaces in Jersey, I know for a fact that they exist. There’s really great drag bars, etc. in Patterson. I bring it back to your friends because If you, yourself aren’t finding spaces, I can only hope that your friends are privy to some? You may want to expand who you’re hanging with so that you aren’t forced to always come here to NYC to have a good time.
Now, you are in fact preaching, hunny when you say that online dating is difficult, but it’s honestly not all bad. I myself have a really hard time finding compatibility online being that I am a POC who’s Gender Non Conforming. I don’t let striking out 10 times stop me and you shouldn’t either. Stay in the game ;)
It also sounds like you have some set standards of your own because you mentioned that there’s guys in your area who are out and proud, but you’re not interested? I don’t think I even have to school you on how much of a waste of time dealing with the DL is lol.
My advice is this: if hanging in New York is not your thing and you find a lack of queer spaces in your neighborhood, then why not be a pioneer!? You mentioned you enjoy MOBI events. Well creating safe spaces for Queer men of color is exactly what MOBI is about. Take charge and create the space you want! Start a Facebook group or something of that sort welcoming all queer men of color to a Happy Hour, or a special brunch day.
Lastly, to all my “NJ Black Boys” let’s help our brother Byron out! If you or someone you know have details of events and spaces that celebrate black men in NJ, forward that info over to Mutha Maria so she can pass it along!
Good Luck to your Mr. Locke! Remain positive and wash your muthaf**in hands!!!
-Maria
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