Dear Maria: Send the Cash App?
QUESTION:
Dear Maria,
So, I’m dealing with an uncomfortable situation. How do you feel about lending money? Typically I don’t loan money unless it’s my mother, in which I don’t care the amount. Also, if it’s a friend then it would have to be a really close friend. To be honest, I’ve only over leant to a friend one time and it was for a quick $40 until the end of the week. Here’s where things get uncomfortable: there’s a guy who I’ve been seeing on and off for a few months who asked me to cashapp him some money in an emergency because he lost his debit card. I was so thrown off that I just responded and said I didn’t have it. Now I feel like things are really awkward and I don’t want him to think I’m broke or anything, but also we weren’t on that level yet. I do feel like someone you hook up with is intimate enough to loan some quick cash.
Was I wrong? Should I say something?
Maria please help!!!!!!!!!!!
⁃ Mo Money, Mo Problems
ANSWER:
Oh hunny! Don’t I know this all too well. Money will always be a tricky situation amongst people whether it be platonic or romantic. I personally have no problem lending money to my close friends and family if I have it. I feel that if you are in the position to help then why not (within reason). Similar to you, when it comes to someone like my mother there would be no limit of what she can ask me for, but if this is my best friend of 10 years I may still have a bit of a cap. Maybe you should have the conversation with yourself of what’s your cap. For example, you said you lent a friend $40 in the past, so is that your cap? Or what is a reasonable request for you?
No matter what your cap is don’t let the stigma of “oh he broke” push you to over extend yourself. If someone who is asking you for money has the audacity to insinuate that YOU are broke then they are truly insane! Please don’t let that plague your mind when saying “No” and upholding your boundary. You don’t have to flex for anybody especially not during COVID!
Now, specifically when it comes to a significant other there’s room for gray area. You said this is an on and off thing for a few months so I’m assuming this is very casual. If this is someone you’ve hooked up with maybe 5 times or less and you only chat at 2am for a FWB agreement, then I don’t blame you for not wanting to send money. You don’t owe some casual hookup anything other than safe sex! I think in the future to avoid any confusion, instead of saying you don’t have it you should just come right out and say, “I don’t feel comfortable loaning you money.” I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s better than leaving room for misinterpretation.
Now, if this is someone who you are chatting with regularly and hooking up with often then maybe I can understand why you feel a bit guilty about not helping. It’s clear you two are not in an exclusive dating contract, but I think maybe you see something there with this person because you mentioned that now things are awkward. Honesty is the best policy. I say you tackle it head on and give him a phone call or a text and explain that lending money makes you uncomfortable and that you gave an immediate response of “no I don’t have it” because you couldn’t find the words at that moment to explain why you were uncomfortable.
If this person even cares enough and is a decent being then they would respect your follow up explanation and you two should be able to continue whatever healthy level of intimacy you had. Sadly, this person may actually be feeling more embarrassed for asking you than you do for not giving, so remember to allow that person to be closed off as well.
Good luck! Stay honest and open!
- Maria
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