Dear Maria: Mutha of (No Kids)?

QUESTION:

Dear Maria,

As a self-proclaimed Mutha (of no children) I find myself without the assumed confidence to search and secure a man. Here I am: a 31 year-old Black and Queer male with the experience of one romantic relationship (at age 27, for one year) in my life. To say it honestly – I believe I could be lonely. However, I keep lying to myself about how I don't need someone else and that I can create a life of love for myself, and everything will fall into place.

Yeah...how do I break out of my "shell" this late in life and snag joy, love, and all that good stuff before gravity leaves me potted in self-pity, remorse, and loneliness?

Thank you!

Xoxo,

- Mutha Darling

ANSWER:

“GUESS WHO’S BACK IN THE HOUSE?! HEELS CLICK CLACKIN’ ABOUT!!!”

Okaaaay, Mutha! It feels so good to have a fellow cis-ter to bond with on this because, baby, you are preaching to the choir. 

I’m reading this and all I feel is: this is someone who is owning who they are. You sound very self aware and I commend you for standing in your truth. I say this because I feel you aren’t the type to lie to yourself, and I want you to stop telling yourself that. Change the narrative because I too agree and believe that we are all capable of creating a life full of happiness for ourselves, and if someone comes along for the ride, that's just a special little bonus. Get rid of that sense of self-pity because there is nothing pitiful about being happily single. There are many people in long-term relationships wishing they had your freedom as a single person. Dating is so exciting – have fun with it!

I also want to express that loneliness is a very common and natural thing we all experience as humans whether single or not. If you could just change your perception slightly you may find a way to appreciate those moments where you feel lonely because, ironically, that helps you cherish your companionships even more.

As far as you coming out of your shell, you have to ask yourself what is it that’s holding you back? Like, what is REALLY holding you back?! There must be some sense of fear and the only way to overcome that is to face it head on. Challenge all of those doubts you have around dating – you're only 31 baby. Life’s just starting <3

Get out there, have fun, and if you ever need a partner in crime I’m always down for a Lychee Martini ;)

- Maria
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