Dear Maria: Too Shy for the "Panny?"

QUESTION:

Dear Maria,

I’m fairly new to the city and although the pandemic has put a halt on things, it hasn’t put a halt on my desire to date. I’ve been finding it difficult to meet/interact with guys and at first, I thought apps would help, but I’m having no luck. Either they turn out to be completely unresponsive after consistent back and forth for 2 days, or I lose interest because of some off putting comments. The times that I have gotten fortunate enough to link with someone, it just didn’t click how I hoped. How am I supposed to lead an exciting dating life safely during the pandemic if these apps are proving to be useless? I’ll admit, I’m a bit shy in my approach and take a while to warm up, but I can’t figure out a workaround to that. I’m not sure what else to do, and would love any suggestions or advice!

Xoxo,
Your forever fan <3

- City Slicker

ANSWER:

Happy New Year and welcome to NYC, darling!

I wish I knew who this was so I can start introducing you to people myself. Please DM me at some point so that I know!! There may be a matchmaker service coming soon ;)

This is a tough one because the reality is there is no easy way around this. The pandemic has truly limited what we are able to do socially especially now during the winter months since it's cold outside. This may sound cheesy, but instead of just messaging back and forth on the apps, maybe you can schedule a video date on House Party or Zoom, etc. so neither of you has to give out your personal phone numbers, etc. just yet until you feel comfortable enough to maybe invite them over for some wine. Seeing someone and hearing their voice and expression can really change how the conversation feels.

Personally, I bit the bullet a few times during the pandemic and had a couple of first dates at my house once I truly felt safe and realized this person was not a serial killer. Some went really well for the most part as far as first dates go. I am not saying inviting perfect strangers to your home is the best option, nor that it's 100% safe, but it is one effective way to get to meet someone before that grace period of chatting on Tinder/Hinge/JACK’D diminishes.

Lastly, I would suggest expanding your horizon on what dating app services you are using. I referenced a few earlier in my response, however, there are thousands of niche dating sites that can work as well – some that aren't free, but the match rates are great. Do some research and see what else is out there.

Stay in touch and let me know how things are going baby – good luck! You are not alone in this at all even I share this same experience.

- Maria  

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