Dear Maria: He's Moving Back, But Have I Moved On?
QUESTION:
Dear Maria,
I was in a relationship with someone for almost 4 years. In my opinion it was loving, fun, supportive, and I truly felt I could spend the rest of my life with this person. Our families and friends became very familiar with one another and it felt very serious and mature, which I loved. Eventually, this person moved to NY for work to start their career. We were still together when they moved and began a long distance relationship (about 8 hours apart via car) to try and make it work. Long story short, it was not working and the distance affected communication which put tension on our relationship. We decided to call it off before we ended up really resenting one another (it was mutual, but this person initiated the break up conversation). I understood and agreed with their points for wanting to call it off, so I consider the split amicable.
Fast forward almost 2 years later to present day and this person is over 2,000 miles away living/working on the west coast. We don't talk often, but every once in a while we will catch up via text. On my own accord, I am now in NY with a new career and I want to focus on myself and potentially starting a business. In speaking with them, I learn that they want to move back to NY. There's no timeline for when the move back to NY will happen, though. I find myself contemplating the "what-ifs" about getting back with this person. I also find myself wanting to have someone by my side again. In my time in NY I have dated, but something is stopping me from connecting with people on a deeper level to the point where I would want to be in a relationship. I know I need to have a real conversation with this person, but I also feel like if they are telling me about the fact that they want to move back, they should be the person to initiate the conversation to talk about why they are informing me of this, and what it all means!
My question is should I move on or should I wait for this person to move back and see where it goes?
Best,
Mr. Chon
ANSWER:
Okay, okay, okay! Hear me out…I am totally obsessed with this story and I am super hopeful of this being a fairytale ending!!!
I will say this: I believe you already know exactly what to do. It sounds like after 4 years together this person still has a hold on you - so much so that you still can’t successfully date years later because of the hope of a resurgence.
I know this is probably the most simple advice, hunny, but put your pride aside and say how you feel. You must take control of your own destiny. Don’t wait on no man to initiate a conversation that is affecting you and your everyday. I say bring it up ASAP because who wants to waste any more time waiting on the “what-ifs?” In my opinion, him telling you he’s coming back to NY is him giving you that heads up, but please don’t nosedive into the thought that y’all are getting right back together.
I think you should continue to try dating other people in the interim, but from what I’m picking up I have a feeling you just want him. And whats so wrong about you telling him that!
Do you, baby! Go get ya’ man and let him know you still love him and if you ain’t gonna do it for yourself, do it for me because I could use a love story during COVID-19.
Best wishes and I would love to hear a follow up about that conversation.
- Maria
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