Dear Maria: Weight a Minute!

QUESTION:

Dear Maria,

I need your help!

I have a good friend that I love very much, but I have noticed that she has put on a little weight. By a little I mean a WHOLE lot. I want to tell her, but she is a very emotional being and in the past when I have told her my concerns about other things she has not taken it well.

To be honest, to me it’s a vanity thing, but it can’t be healthy either. How do I go about this convo?

Much love,

A Dip Not a Shablam

ANSWER:

Hahaha! And it ain’t a “Death Drop,” neithaaaa!

Hi, baby! Thank you for writing in! I re-read this question a couple of times to see if I picked up any micro aggressive language, but no, it sounds like you genuinely just want to have a conversation with your friend about being healthy. 

My question to you would be what makes you think this friend is unhealthy? Weight gain can come from a multitude of things, but it doesn’t always mean unhealthy. Now, I’ll humor the discussion that statistically being overweight can lead to many health issues, so for that I understand most of society’s and your concerns! 

Listen, as an individual who personally deals with their weight fluctuating - take it from me - whether they feel a way or not, you know deep down you tried to help and it’s coming from a place of positive intent. Just say it! Let that friend know “Sis, no shade! I realized the other day in a photo you was looking real thick like, n’ whateva!” LOL make it fun and not soooo serious, but be stern in making it clear that there’s gonna be a plan to change it. Like, presenting a solution like dieting together or becoming gym buddies, etc. 

My girls have literally changed my orders at restaurants from a burger to a salad because I wasn’t a size 4 no mo! ! I can’t thank them enough, though, because I didn’t even realize how much weight I was putting on and how much healthier I felt after losing it again. In the moment, sometimes hearing the feedback can be embarrassing, but if you don’t have to question the person’s intent then you shouldn’t be offended.

Lastly, don’t count out the possibility that your friend is welcoming and embracing this new weight and if that’s the case, it should be celebrated! 

So again - as a friend speak up, but also be there to help and present a solution and support. Don’t just be pointing the finger, calling ya’ sis a ”Fat Ass Kelly Price!”

Good luck boo! God knows your heart.

-Maria 

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