QUESTION:

Dear Maria,

I have a confession to make: I think I'm a hoe (lol!). But now that I think of it, isn't EVERYBODY in this lifestyle?

No, but in all seriousness – I've always been a bit sexually inclined and curious (responsibly DTF), it's just that as I've dated, gotten older, and matured in the gay lifestyle (I lost my virginity at 15) I've recently felt the need to deprive myself a bit of casual hookups and flings out of my personal aspiration to...I don't know, actually have a substantial and mutually loving relationship? I'm 30 and after my last failed attempt at dating I reached a point where I felt that I didn't wan't to have sex with anyone unless I felt they were really deserving of not just my great sex, but all the amazing things I have to offer that come with it. The problem is that after about 3 months, that idea left me hot, horny, and frustrated. It did, however, allow me to spend time with myself to focus and self-improve.

Lately I feel like the sexiest, most independent, and confident version of myself and I'm not mad at all the extra attention. So I gave the whole "this bussy's closed" jig up annnd I've been having some of the best sex with some of the finest dudes I ever have (yes, during the "panny") and it's been EUPHORIC to say the least. I'm not looking or even emotionally attached because I know where that tends to lead, but should I caution myself before entertaining the idea of threesomes (foursomes, maybe) with #bigdicktops because it's available and they're asking? Safely, of course!!

I'm here for sex positivity and the rest, but what I DON'T want is to adopt this sexually LIBERATED, liberated mentality for the long run. In all honesty, I really just want ONE man to have sex with and share my life with ALL the time ;)

- Help a hoe out!

ANSWER:

There’s some hoes in this house!!! There’s some hoes in this house!!!

I loved everything about this submission so first, thank you for writing in and I must compliment you on how self aware you sound. Takes years to get there and it sounds like you know exactly who you are and what you want.

I am very PRO-HOE. I do also believe in sexual liberation while still being able to be a hopeless romantic. This will however look different for every person. Some of us can easily navigate the two random hookups a week while still going on dates with potential baes.

You already tested the waters by not having sex and that didn’t work, and now you described it as feeling like your best self right now while in your “hoetation,” so why deprive yourself of that freedom and happiness? I think it may serve you to change your outlook on what finding happiness with ONE guy looks like. I believe you should still be able to hookup in the interim.

Dating is just that ... DATING. So I would challenge you to try and start dating those potentials you see something with and never guilting yourself if a hookup comes along during that dating period. However, the communication needs to be clear that you are not exclusive, etc. and any mature man would respect that, especially with how conscious you are of practicing safe sex. If someone would judge you for hooking up with someone while you aren’t exclusively dating then would you even want to be with someone so closed minded?

I also believe that if you are dating the right one then that desire to hookup with others will fly right out the window!

Also, DM a bitch on the gram or something cause it sounds like I need to be hanging with you and all these fine ass men!!! #HoesUnited

Much Love Baby!

- Maria  

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