QUESTION:

Dear Maria,

What are your thoughts on dating an ex? Is it a bad idea? My ex and I have broken up several times over the span of 4 years, but the love is still there. Our biggest poison is long distance. I live in the Big Apple and he lives a few hours away. NYC isn’t his dream city, but it’s mine.

I’ve always respected his decision to stand firm in his anti-NYC views, but I guess maybe I wanted him to choose me over his dislike for New York. Is it silly to think this could ever work? I’m someone that needs hugs, and kisses and quality time. This is difficult, because besides being romantically linked, he’s also my best friend. Should I just walk away from an, otherwise, amazing man?

-Merry Go-Round

ANSWER:

Hey Merry!

It seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into this and it makes sense because I’m picking up key clues that you love this man. 4 years involved is huge in our community which means I’m certain you guys have been through plenty of trials and have worked through them.

My question would be, what about this long distance relationship is missing? You specify that you need kisses, cuddles, and QT; those are two major love languages according to Gary Chapman! Now girl, I don’t think the issue here is the distance, it’s probably the communication of what you need to fill that void of his presence!

I don’t know how often you see him, but there are many ways to spend quality time without being physically present. You can get creative with ways to make up for the kisses and cuddles like sleeping on FaceTime together, etc. Cyber Sex!

I think it’s all in the mindset. Long distance can really be successful with setting ground rules and communicating your needs.

Now, we always hear exes are exes for a reason so I’m not sure if there are other things at play here as to why y’all have separated. From your description, he sounds like an amazing guy! I say go for it baby! Reconnecting that relationship could be your best Christmas present to yourself!

Wishing you love and some good make up sex this holiday season ;)

-Maria

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